One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
