her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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