VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
