Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Randomize
