well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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