you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Randomize
