just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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