just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
