i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
