Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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