Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
