I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Randomize
