i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Randomize
