remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
