As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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