He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
