Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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