Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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