He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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