doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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