So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
