you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
You took a bar mat shot.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
