My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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