Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
