About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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