her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
i think i just lost a toe
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
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