went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Someone signed my nipple.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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