Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
