It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
