i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
