The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
