I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
