Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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