I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
