is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
