I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
