I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
