you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
