She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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