I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
