He disabled his match.com account in front of me
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Randomize
