I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
