i just sent this text using only my big toe
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
