I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
