It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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