I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
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