I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
