He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
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