just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
