shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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