On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
