she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
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