i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
